GONE TOO SOON...

Before I start this post I want to point out that recently I lost my uncle. So the past couple of days have been extremely hard for me. Usually I am someone who always has the answers and this time I didn't. Losing him was very hard and now that he's gone I've learned form it so that not only will his death not be in vain but so I can never forget who he was to me.

Have you wondered what it would be like to trade places with someone? Whether it be because they have something you want or because you wanted escape the situation you were in. No one truly knows the things you struggle with on a daily basis. Me personally have learned that when you are going through something its best to speak to someone about it. My uncle was going through something internally that many of us who were closest to him didn't know. Inside he struggling with thing that none of us could imagine. And on March 8Th he took his own life. Damn that was hard to say. It was such a shock to my family because no one could figure out why he had did it. He was more than an uncle to me he was like another father figure for me. He looked out for me when I needed something, he was there with his comedic relief when someone was down. Most importantly he was hardworking. I remember the talk I had with him after I got my DUI last year he told me that have to fix it and never do it again. And with a touch of comedy he said "I know you're going to drink again, we are a family of drinkers, but your ass better not get behind the wheel of another car.And all that i could do was smile and say, OK. And i haven't done it since. Sometimes I wonder what if I had asked him about the things I saw change in him, with all the suspected drug use. Sometimes he would come over and I would notice something strange about him. But him being my uncle I never asked because he was my elder. I wish he had known that he could come to me and talk to me. If he had just known I was there for him. When I think about these things I think about the bad things. I want to only remember the great times we had. All the laughs all the jokes. All the smiles and the tears from the laughter. Those are things I'll miss the most. He was a great man and character all his own. He was truly one in a million. And I am going to miss him so much.

So I leave you with this thought: If at any time you think that there is a negative change in someone you love (I mean anyone friends included) talk to them. If they reach out to you don't turn them away. If they say something that in any other situation they wouldn't help them. And if you think that you can't help them, find someone who will. Never abandon your family in their time of need. Love them always because you never know when God will decide to tap them on the shoulder and tell them its time to go home.


****************I DEDICATE THIS POST TO MY UNCLE DARREN "MOOSE" WILLIAMS R.I.P. GONE BUT NEVER FORGOTTEN*******************

Unconditional Love...

The subject for this post I am going to have to give to a long time friend of my mother. Thanks again Ms. Theresa. Now I have my own definition of unconditional love. Unconditional love to me is loving someone for everything they are while accepting them for all of their flaws and imperfections. Most of time unconditional love come from your family. For example your parents. I can honestly say that I have unconditional love from my dad. He is one of the most influential people in my life. When I thought that I wouldn't be able to make it through my dad was always there on my side letting me know that as long as I have God in my life I can over come anything that came my way. Not only is he a loving and supportive father he also had to fill the void of being my mother as well. My mother passed away when I was only two years old. Leaving my father to do twice the parenting. She was killed in a car accident. My father stepped up to raise my brother and I the best way he knew how. And in my opinion he did an excellent job. He showed us unconditional love by being a wonderful father and an awesome teacher. He was not the traditional father who tried to keep us under an iron fist, he let us live our lives making mistakes so we could learn from them. For this I have always had the up most respect for my father. Yet unconditional love is such broad subject. You can have unconditional love for inanimate objects reason being that love can be so broad. But unconditional love to me is one thing: love that has no boundaries making it easy to love with all of your being. So my questions readers, do you have unconditional love someone?

Peace and Love

Carrie L.

Stupid In Love...

I was listening to Rihanna'a song entitled Stupid In Love. And I decided to write about what my interpretation of the song would be. Big ups to RiRi for her latest album entitled Rated R. Stupid In Love...how many of us have been there? You would do anything and everything for your significant other knowing damn well they wouldn't do the same for you. Man what can I say I've been there numerous times. Thinking that if I put my all into him then maybe I might get that back in return. I had to learn the hard way many times I was being used for whatever reason weather it be my body my, money, my car or anything else. For a long time my vision was clouded by the fantasy that maybe one day I would get half of what I was giving to these men who weren't even worth the effort. I swear life to me has been one big learning experience, many instances I had to learn for myself the lessons and sometimes consequences for my actions. As I got old enough to realize that I had to love myself first before I could truly love someone else. I also had to learn how to respect myself before I could ask for it from someone else. But being stupid in love was one of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn. Reason being that I always ended up putting my all including my heart into a relationship and always getting hurt was the end. So after the last time it happened I wised up and promised myself I would never let it happen to me again. Finally after it happened more times than it should by the way...lol. One story was a few years back I was dating this dude he was cool and I actually loved hanging with him, we had a lot of fun together. We met at my best friend's birthday dinner one year. And at the time my girl was dating his friend. When I met him the complicated part was that his "ex" so he said, went to college with me and he asked me had I known her. He pointed out that she was my friend on facebook. Ha! That should been a red flag for me right? Nope it wasn't, my vision was clouded at the time. But anyway he went on to tell me all about her and things and I told him that every friend I have on Facebook I don't know personally. So now that his sneaky ass knows that I dint know her I was free game to date and go out with. We ended up dating for a couple months but in that time I was stupid for him doing any and everything he asked me to do. I did things for him that in mind I knew wasn't right and I still did it. By the way let me point out that he rocks with fake money! I have no respect for dude, this is to him: YOU'RE A FUCKING CLOWN! OK I'm back...lol...had to step outside myself for a minute. But to make a long story short I ended up finding out that he was still with his girlfriend and I was the mistress. Even back then that's not a title I would ever hold for anyone. And I also found out that I knew her too, my aunt was her hair stylist. Now days I refuse to be tricked, used or neglected again. Don't take what I'm saying the wrong way. I'm not saying I'm bitter or scorned just smart. And if the situation is not in my best intrest then I leave it alone. Although I am a bit jaded I still have enough room left in my heart for love and I intend to find one of these days. Just at this point in my life I'm enjoying the days God is giving me. And I made a very big promise to myself that I would live everyday as if it were my last,because, we truly don't know how many times God intends to let us wake up everyday. To all my readers (I'm speaking to my female and male readers) never be stupid in love or stupid in anything and always remember to love thy self.

Peace and Love

Carrie L.

P.S. post some topics you want me to speak about or if you have questions for me I'll answer them in my post.